That was then, this is now

Yesterday, I responded to Jeff Goins’ challenge: Declare yourself a writer! Sure, I’m motivated by the contest, but also…I’m motivated by the calling that has been pulling and tugging at me for years. I’ve been inching along this path, occasionally making great strides but mostly moving in fits and starts. Writing 3 NaNoWriMo novels is a great example of that.

Who am I, really? Who am I called to be? I can look back and see who I was (with bias, of course), but I have a lot of questions about who I am becoming. Questions without answers. A vision of a future, but a murky path to get there. Murky? No, not even that clear.

Despite the uncertainty, I do what I can, walking in faith, taking one step after another. Though there might be long pauses between the steps, and occasionally I might sit down (and maybe even shed a tear or two), I am making progress.

This morning, I changed my Twitter profile from this:

Wife, mother, grandmother, woman of faith. Currently: Acting Director of US Engineering Operations for a Taiwanese Company. Someday: writing full-time.

to this:

A woman of faith, rejoicing in the Spirit, seeking Christ, obeying God. I am a writer, making a living as a Director of Engineering Operations.

I am a writer.

Posted in Adventure, faith, Fiction, Inspiration, NaNoWriMo, obedience, reward, Transformation, Wants, Writing | Tagged | 4 Comments

Transformation: I am a writer

In the early 80’s I started college, in pursuit of Engineering. Then, I dropped out. Then, I went back. Then, I dropped out, again. I was out for 6 years. I got married, had babies, and worked as a stenographer. Then, I went back to college, again. This time, I graduated with a BSME 10 years after I started.

For the last 20 years, I’ve considered myself an Engineer. I’ve managed people, I’ve managed projects, I’ve delivered products, and I’ve had a good career. Now, it’s time for change. The last six years have been a journey, and this trip’s not done. I’m transforming. I’m being resurrected. The old me is going away, making room for the new me.

“Hi. My name is Fran, and I’m a writer.”

W: Walking in Christ’s wonderful light, his Word lives in me. I am wonderful.
R: I am being resurrected, coming to new life.
I: Inspired, empowered beyond imagination.
T: I am thankful! Thankful and more thankful!
E: I’m eagerly pursuing the gifts of the spirit; eager to do good, and eager to serve.
R: I am rejoicing!

This declaration (and video) are in response to Jeff Goins’ contest challenge, promoting his new e-book You Are a Writer. I am a writer!

Posted in Bible, Challenged, faith, Inspiration, ministry, Note to Self, Rehab, spirit, submit, Transformation, trust, Wants, Writing | Tagged | 4 Comments

Transformation 2012: Day ___

I’m learning a funny thing about transformation. Well, maybe not funny, but good to know. Transformation comes with a lot of pressure, both internal and external. From the outside, the world resists. From the inside, I resist. I’m squeezed, compressed, twisted by conflicting desires. I yearn to move forward, yet I long for the comfort of where I was.

I sympathize with the pains of childbirth. Not the mother’s pain (having delivered my own and assisted in the delivery of 2 grandchildren, I could), but a pain that, were I to recall it, goes back to my own birth.

God, let me get through this! With just a few more pushes I’ll burst forth into my new life. I don’t want to withdraw back into the warm, safe, prenatal environment that prevents growth. And yet, I do. Because the here and now is squeezing the life out of me.

This isn’t what I’d imagined. Unlike the caterpillar that spins a snug cocoon and sleeps until it’s time to break free, unfolding its wings and flying, liberated, beautiful. No. Instead, I’m breathless and squalling, not yet free.

Somewhere inside of me is bohemia – “a person, such as an artist or writer, who lives and acts free of regard for conventional rules and practices.”

This is the life that awaits, if I can just liberate myself from the shackles of fear that bind me to the life I am living.

Posted in angst, faith, Inspiration, life, love, prayer, Transformation, trust, Wants | Tagged | Comments Off on Transformation 2012: Day ___

Transformation 2012: Day 12

A nice rainfall (last night and throughout the day) means I didn’t need to water the lawn at Lodestone today. Work and volunteer commitments prevented me from getting grubby, regardless.

But my personal transformation got a boost, as I made another trek downtown in pursuit of more Humans of Austin photos. This exercise lifts me up and allows me to relish the fruit of the Spirit. I enjoy the opportunity to flex some creative muscles, letting those juices flow. And, there’s something inherently rewarding in telling people (truthfully) that I’m working on a photography project, taking pictures of beautiful people.

Here’s an example, for reference:

Posted in Inspiration, love, Rehab, reward, spirit, Transformation | 2 Comments

Transformation 2012: Day 11

I began counting the days of this transformation at a random milestone, beginning with the first day of my “vacation.” I spent ten days dedicated almost exclusively to the rehabilitation of a house we’ve acquired with the intention of reselling. Our improvements should net us profit.

Technically, the transformation began in mid-February, when we took possession of the house. During the first few weeks, Mr. H repaired the septic system and much of the electrical wiring. These changes weren’t cosmetic, but they were necessary. He also knocked out a wall that divided two living areas, dramatically opening up the space. This change was remarkable.

Personal transformation is similar – some changes are internal, unnoticed by all but the closest friends and family. These can begin with a change in habits, such as spending time in daily prayer, or taking more time to read, to journal, to pursue hobbies. Other changes are dramatic, like significant weight loss, or career changes. But those changes rarely happen in a day; these changes, also, are a process.

Today, Mr. H and I worked together to prune the cedar in the front, refining the earlier cuts that pared everything but the main, vertical trunk. We also removed the dead bushes that lined the front of the house. When we’re finished with the landscaping, our work with the cedar will be obvious, the scars will show, though the end result is pleasing. We’ll create flower beds, trimmed with edging and filled with mulch; the legacy of the bushes will not be evident.

My vacation has ended, so I’ll be balancing my efforts, helping as I can with the transformation of the house on Lodestone, and continuing with my own transformation.

Posted in discipline, faith, Flipping, Flipping Houses, Inspiration, life, love, Real Estate, reduce/reuse/recycle/reinvent, Rehab, Transformation | Comments Off on Transformation 2012: Day 11

Transformation 2012: Day 10

Today is the end of a 10-day spiritual retreat, in which I focused most of my time and energy on rehabilitating a house, and rehabilitating my soul. I’ve prayed, and poured sweat, and dreamed and … I’m not entirely sure what will come next but I am confident it will be good.

After church and lunch and chores at the Hart house, I went to Lodestone and … spread seed (not photo worthy) and mowed.

The photos do not do justice to the vast expanse of the back yard (I’ve fallen in love and see it as a canvas, ripe for the landscaping that could be).

I now begin a twice-daily watering regimen, trying to maneuver within the bounds of water rationing restrictions. Only the front yard is being beautified. The back…will remain a frontier for my dreams.

Posted in faith, Flipping, Flipping Houses, Inspiration, Real Estate, reduce/reuse/recycle/reinvent, Rehab, reward, spirit, Transformation, trust | Comments Off on Transformation 2012: Day 10

Transformation 2012: Day 9

I spent the day cutting down cedar, specifically the large tree-bushes at either end of the house. We considered cutting them down completely, but after pruning away all of the “bush” and paring them down to “tree,” we decided to leave them in their new trim state.

The final step will be to cut down and level off the stumps that circle the main trunks. Meanwhile, I’m beat up and exhausted. This transformation business is hard work!

 

Posted in Flipping, Flipping Houses, Inspiration, Real Estate, reduce/reuse/recycle/reinvent, Rehab, Transformation | 5 Comments

Transformation 2012: Day 8

Today, I went to work on the windows. My goal was not necessarily to make them sparkle, that will come later. My goal was to eliminate the nastiness – dirt, grime, bugs, etc.  The hope is that once all is said and done, a quick clean (water, vinegar, newspaper and elbow-grease) will bring the sparkle without significant (additional) effort.

For today’s effort, I used a bucket with simple green, scrub brush, sponge and washcloth. And elbow grease. On the west end of the house, the previous owner had taped around the exterior with some sort of solar blocking aluminum, and the residual tape/adhesive had to be removed with Krud Kutter and a plastic putty knife.

Here is a close up of a before and after for the window frame in the front bedroom:

There is a fair amount of sparkle that came with the initial cleaning. Now, I’m off to work in the yard. Curb appeal is a critical element in bringing in buyers.

Meanwhile, Mr. H is making good progress with the tile:

Transformation requires deconstruction and reconstruction. In order to get to the end, the glorious finished product, you have to go through a rough middle-ground (the valley) when things look grim. Window-cleaning is messy work. If I walked away in the middle of the effort, it would look worse than when I started. When Mr. H demolishes a bathroom, removing the old tub and sink, removing the plumbing and walls, things look pretty rough. But at some point the situation turns around and it is possible to clearly imagine how things will be.

While I work, I’m imagining how things could be.

Posted in Flipping, Flipping Houses, Inspiration, life, Real Estate, reduce/reuse/recycle/reinvent, Rehab, Transformation | Comments Off on Transformation 2012: Day 8

Transformation 2012: Day 7

If I weren’t running a series, I’d have titled today’s post, “Mr. H is the light of my life.” It’s true, you know. We have been working well together as a team, for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is his uncanny ability to notice that I’m working the dark. He passes through the room where I’m slaving away (mostly over wallpaper, but occasionally other efforts) and turns on the light. It’s a remarkable gift and a source of surprise and gratitude every time he does this for me.

Although I’ve spent a lot of time stripping wallpaper, I can also claim credit for cleaning the cabinet doors (what’s not evident in the “before” photos is the extent of the grease and grime on these doors):

And cleaning the soot off of the fireplace:

Meanwhile, Mr. H has demolished bathrooms and rebuilt them, installing new tubs and tile. Here’s the master bath:

Here’s the guest bath:

Also, he’s created a wine rack and wine glass holder:

I’ve come to appreciate that in this venture, I’m the cheap labor, grateful for the boss who passes through and offers enlightenment.

In the spiritual realm, this is absolutely priceless symbolism for the transformation I’m appreciating, as I scrub and peel and clean, I’m grateful for the wisdom and guidance that comes from above.

Posted in discipline, education, employment, Flipping, Flipping Houses, Inspiration, Real Estate, reduce/reuse/recycle/reinvent, Rehab, Transformation, Wisdom | Comments Off on Transformation 2012: Day 7

Transformation 2012: Day 6

Today I finished the last of the wallpaper removal at Lodestone, stripping the layers of brown paper from the master bathroom. I quickly learned that I needed to change my ways or accept the consequences; this situation required patience and finesse. An alternative might have been to replace the drywall. Here’s an example of what I found as I peeled back the layers:

It turned out there was significant damage from prior wallpaper removal efforts on these poor battle-scarred walls. Although there were at least 3 or 4 layers of brown paper, I was convinced there’d been another layer that had been removed, including the brown backing, as evidenced by the damaged sheet rock beneath all of the layers of papers. I’m not sure how many rounds of wallpaper came and went over the decades, but I did (eventually) uncover the original paper, a sliver left behind like an archaeological relic:

Ultimately, the technique that worked best was: a light scoring, an application of DIF and an over-spray of water. This encouraged the paper to separate from the sheet rock. But, if the sheet rock became soggy, I had to step away, to allow the two materials an opportunity to meditate on where the paper ended and the wall began. Occasionally, when I believed I’d removed all of the paper, when dry again, a spritz of water revealed bits of brown paper still clinging to the wall.

Between the layers of brown paper backing, I found a half-dozen areas that were thick with drywall mud, from past repairs. All of this material was removed. The walls in this bath area will be taped, floated, textured and painted. I trust that this process will be forgiving, and there will be no indication of this sordid history.

During the hours spent teasing the paper away from the wall, I considered the similarity of this process with the analysis and rehabilitation of the human pysche. Most of us would find that getting to our core, teasing away the layers of protection that we’ve built up during our lives, is a delicate process, not to be rushed. Also, unfortunately, most of our cores are probably wounded, damaged, scarred (likely from some form of mistreatment in our early years). Many will go their whole lives, continuing to add layers, never stopping to remove layers. Removing the layers is painful, tedious and not immediately rewarding. But that’s not to say that once we get there, to our core, and we take the additional time to examine ourselves, we can’t heal and rebuild.

I’m in the process of seeking and finding; peeling, poking and prodding the layers, trying to remove all that’s superficial without inadvertently damaging the core. The transformation will be a renewal from within. It may not be pretty now, but I trust the end result will be beautiful.

Posted in Flipping, Flipping Houses, Inspiration, life, Real Estate, reduce/reuse/recycle/reinvent, Rehab, Transformation, trust | Comments Off on Transformation 2012: Day 6