In these days of uncertainty, our faith is tried. I don’t know about you but my 401K is a 200.5K – suffering mightily from the market downturn. But I am so blessed in my immediate wealth. God has given me more than I ever imagined. It is so easy to take on the responsibility of fretting about our future. I’m glad that is not a yoke I’m tempted to bear. I am not watching the market. I am not weeping, wailing or gnashing my teeth. These words of wisdom from Proverbs certainly help me feel justified in my disinterest.
But am I righteous?
Ah! There’s a sticking point. Am I obedient? I certainly try, but I’ve been struggling with God’s desire for me to write. This week marks the 1 year anniversary of the death of my last novel. I’d written all of 3 pages, then I left for a business trip to China. The only copy of the novel was on a traveling USB storage device (“key”). Let us pause for a moment to respect my mourning….the file was unrecoverable….. My 2nd attempt at a “great American novel” was gone. It died a premature death. I wept bitterly.
The journey since then has been fascinating (at least to me). And here I am. Journaling about my journey through life. My search for deeper faith, deeper understanding and a deeper, more intimate relationship with our Father. Seeking words of wisdom.
So, I am not going to worry about money, I am going to focus on being obedient (righteous). If God wants me to write, I will write and I will quit fretting about “why?” and “for whom?” and even “what?” I will write. The proof of the wisdom of my actions will be seen when we look back, even if it can’t be seen now.
Please pray for me. I am unreasonably afraid. This fear is not something God can address. I have to overcome this fear to demonstrate my faith. If I were afraid of something “real” of this world, I could turn it over to God. God can give me strength, yes. But this demon, this fear is mine to overcome – and I will be its master.
Please pray for me. I am not operating in a realm of comfort. I am not able to look back on my track record and presume competence. I have nothing but my faith to push me down the path. And the voice that whispers (and sometimes shouts) when I am still and quiet. “Write. Trust Me.”
And yet, I hesitate.
Please pray for me.